(Theme music) Maa-a-ax Sherva, he's the maximum level of Sherva in the world...
Chief, the terrorists are holding the hostages in the nuclear power plant!
I know, it looks grim.
We need Seal Team Six!
Yevchenko and those terrorists would eat Seal Team Six for breakfast, plus we can't risk causing a nuclear meltdown...I hate to say it, but the only chance we have is to go to Max Sherva.
But Chief, the Sherva level in the reactor is already dangerously high! I don't think we can risk any more Sherva!
I didn't say we needed more Sherva, Judy, I said we needed Max Sherva...
Oh God, surely you don't mean...
He's the only chance we've got.
But Chief, he's a sexy, dangerous maverick who plays and poops and loves by his own rules!
That may be true, Judy, but he's the best damn hostage negotiator slash terrorist killer slash nuclear reactor defuser the world has ever seen.
But Chief, the last time we used him on a job, infant and toddler pregnancies went up 37 percent!
And if it weren't for that crop of abnormally brave and sexy newborn commandos we'd all be speaking baby Taliban right now.
But Chief, Max Sherva is...
...Two hours past needing a fresh diaper, Judy?
Max!
Long time no see, Judy.
You've got a lot of nerve showing your cherubic face around here!
Sorry about the way things went down in Helsinki, Judy, but are we going to sit around all day debating who threw which terrorists into which nuclear reactors and saving which hostages slash creating which radioactive terrorists or are we going to get Yevchenko slash free those hostages slash secure that plutonium?
(Later, teetering on the edge of the cooling tower)
Mwahaha! Don't you see, Max?, you already lost! The hostages are buried in cement and reactor mass is already critical!
You're forgetting four things, Yevchenko. One: I gave all the hostages cement snorkels when you were busy overriding the automatic reactor failsafe valve. Two: that cement will shield them from the radioactive fallout. And three: I invited every terrorist in the world to a fake terrorist rave party...at this very nuclear reactor...tonight...which means every terrorist in the world is currently receiving one million millirems of ionizing radiation per minute while they're dancing the terrorist Macarena.
Curses! Well played Max, but I still have gun which means I shoot you dead and...wait, what was fourth thing?
You're standing in my soiled diaper, Yevchenko...and I had pureed bananas for dinner.
(Yevchenko slips and falls into the reactor core) Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax! Sherva!
Adieu, Yevchenko, Adieu...Or should I say, "Agoo."
Maa-a-ax Sherva, he's the maximum level of Sherva in the world!
And scene.
Yep, Max Manford Sherva it is.
